Why Sadness Can Feel Safe

Sadness is often seen as something that we should avoid, dismiss, fix, or replace with a more positive emotion. We associate sadness with failure, loss, or pain. Despite all of these negative connotations with sadness, the emotion can sometimes actually feel comforting and safe.

More than just an emotion, sadness can become a familiar state that feels easier to manage than being joyous, hopeful, or vulnerable. Understanding why sadness can feel safe for many people is a great way to unpack any emotional patterns and learn how to engage with our own feelings in healthier ways. Let's learn more about why sadness can feel safe.

The Comfort Zone

Familiarity can be comfortable. We tend to feel the safest in those emotional states that feel familiar to us. Even if the emotional state that you're familiar with is unpleasant, these negative feelings can become your baseline. More positive feelings like happiness, calmness, or excitement can feel unfamiliar and risky. Sadness can become your predictable, manageable comfort zone.

The Safety of Hopelessness

Hope is a vulnerable emotion. It involves believing that things can get better. But being hopeful can lead to disappointment. The same thing can be said about joy and peace. You may be joyful one minute, but that feeling can disappear just as quickly. And the feeling of peace can feel completely unstable when you don't know how long it will last.

Sadness isn't like hope, joy, or peace. Sadness can feel grounding because it doesn't require anything to go well, and it doesn't give you anything to lose. Staying in this low emotional state of sadness can feel like protection in a way. You can't be let down if you don't have any hope.

Sadness as an Identity

If sadness has been present in your life for a long time, possibly due to chronic stress, depression, grief, or a traumatic event, it can start to feel like it's part of who you are as a person. It becomes part of your identity. When this happens, experiencing happiness can feel inauthentic and fake. Shifting away from sadness can cause an identity crisis or feelings of guilt when you do feel good.

The Romanticization of Quiet Suffering

As a society, we often romanticize those individuals who are quietly suffering. A friend who self-sacrifices, a stoic caregiver, and a tortured artist are all validated. Those who express sadness from time to time can be met with attention, comfort, and connection. Sadness can sometimes help people feel seen and understood.

A Sense of Control

Emotions can often feel explosive and unpredictable. But sadness is often internal, still, and quiet. Individuals who have experienced emotional instability or chaos can feel more in control with an emotion like sadness. You can sit with your sadness, predict it, and fall deeper into it. It can feel like a safe space for you, especially when everything else feels like too much.

Less Risk

Staying sad can help you avoid taking risks. Sadness can be a reason to avoid trying something new, engaging in unfamiliar territory, or trusting someone.

If you stay in the same place, you are unlikely to get hurt again. But over time, this distance can become extremely isolating. You'll block out the pain, but you'll also prevent future connections, healing, and happiness.

Help Is Available

Sadness isn't always a bad thing. It's a valid and important emotion. But when it becomes a space that we'd rather sit in than move through, it's worth exploring in more detail. Give yourself grace. There's no need to judge yourself for feeling a certain way.

With the right support, it's possible to get out of this feeling of sadness and start building more emotional safety in other emotions. Schedule a consultation to learn more about how you can get started with therapy for depression.

About the Author

Christian Bumpous, LMFT, LPC is a licensed mental health therapist and founder of Therapie, Nashville’s leading destination for busy professionals seeking to thrive in life, work, and relationships. Christian specializes in helping professionals navigate life transitions, improve relationships, and overcome challenges like depression and anxiety. With a tailored approach that meets the unique needs of high-performing individuals, he offers therapy sessions in both English and German, available in-person or online.