When Grief Doesn't Fade: What You Need to Know About Complicated Grief
Grief is one of the most universal human experiences. At some point in our lives, most of us will face significant loss: it's the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or another significant life change. And while grief is never easy, it typically follows a recognizable pattern: intense pain at first, waves of emotion that gradually become more manageable, and eventually, the ability to hold the loss without being consumed by it.
But for some people, grief doesn't fade. Instead, it stays persistent, overwhelming, and all-consuming. This is what mental health professionals call complicated grief, sometimes referred to as prolonged grief disorder. If you've been stuck in grief for months or even years, unable to move forward, you're not alone.
What Is Complicated Grief?
Complicated grief is different from the natural grieving process. While typical grief gradually softens over time, complicated grief remains intense and debilitating long after the loss occurred. You might feel unable to accept the death, struggle to engage with daily life, or find yourself constantly ruminating on what happened. People with complicated grief often describe feeling numb, disconnected, or as though life has lost all meaning. The pain doesn't seem to ease, and "good days" feel almost nonexistent. Complicated grief can interfere with work, relationships, and your overall quality of life.
Who Is at Risk for Complicated Grief?
Certain factors can make someone more vulnerable to developing complicated grief. These include:
Sudden or unexpected loss: When a death happens without warning, it can be harder to process.
Unfinished business: If there were unresolved conflicts or things left unsaid, grief can become more complicated.
Early life losses: Experiencing significant loss during childhood can increase the likelihood of complicated grief later in life.
Loss of a child: The death of a child is one of the most devastating losses a person can experience and often leads to prolonged grief.
Existing mental health conditions: If you already struggle with depression or anxiety, you may be at higher risk.
Signs You May Be Experiencing Complicated Grief
If you're wondering whether what you're feeling is complicated grief, here are some common signs:
Intense, persistent longing for the person who died
Difficulty accepting the loss, even months or years later
Constant rumination about the death or what could have been done differently
Feeling numb or emotionally detached from the world around you
A sense that life has lost all meaning or purpose
Inability to engage in daily activities or relationships
Little to no improvement in symptoms over time
If these experiences sound familiar and you haven't noticed any gradual improvement, it may be time to seek professional support.
How Therapy Can Help
The good news is that complicated grief is treatable. Working with a therapist trained in grief counseling can help you begin to heal. One of the most important steps in this process is learning to accept the loss. This doesn't mean being "okay" with it, but it's about acknowledging the reality of what happened and finding a way to carry it without being overwhelmed.
Your therapist will also teach you how to feel the pain of loss. That numbness you might be experiencing? It's your mind's way of protecting you from overwhelming emotions. But to truly heal, you need to let those feelings surface in a safe, supported environment. Therapy provides that space.
Therapy can also help you stop ruminating on what went wrong or what could have been done differently. These thought patterns keep you stuck in the past and prevent you from reclaiming your life. A therapist can guide you through processing these thoughts in a healthier way.
Contact us today to learn more about therapy for complicated grief. You don't need to be burdened by loss forever.
About the Author
Will Dempsey, LICSW, is a mental health therapist and the founder of Heads Held High Counseling, based out of both Boston and Chicago. Will is a gender-affirming LGBTQ+ practitioner who sees individuals looking to overcome anxiety, depression, and trauma. He often uses EMDR, IFS, CBT, and expressive arts to assist his clients. All sessions are offered exclusively online.