Trauma Is In the Eye of the Beholder

 

Most people agree that traumatic events generally involve a threat to life or safety. Fighting in a war, being assaulted physically or sexually, or surviving a natural disaster are typically what comes to mind when we think about a traumatic event. The problem with thinking this is that it limits us from understanding that so many other things that may not seem as dramatic are in fact traumatic. And the bigger problem with limiting our definition of trauma to these A-list traumas is that it keeps you from realizing that what you’re going through is both something that you can get help with and that it is possible to overcome what you’re going through.


There are a number of common signs that most people who’ve experienced any kind of traumatic event will find themselves experiencing but the most tried and true sign is this: If you find yourself feeling stuck in the past and unable to move past something upsetting that happened to you, chances are you’ve experienced a trauma. This particularly holds true when there is a sufficient passage of time from when the event occurred and you find yourself thinking, I should have gotten over this by now.


Many people come to therapy reporting symptoms of anxiety and depression but so often what we find when we dig just below the surface is a traumatic event or events that have triggered the symptoms. There’s been a cultural shift where it’s become more commonplace to admit to having anxiety or depression but less common to admit to having trauma. It’s past time to shift the tide around that and to shift our understanding of what counts as trauma. Any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and powerless can result in trauma. I repeat, any situation. It’s not just experiences that involve physical threat or harm that cause trauma but your emotional experience of the event as well. The more scared and helpless you feel the more likely you are to be traumatized.


Some common situations include infidelity, an unexpected loss, a bad break-up, getting fired from a job, or a bad medical experience. These are just a few. There is no limit to what may cause trauma. It all depends on your subjective experience of the event. Two people in two different but identical situations may experience getting a minor dog bite. One person will walk away from the experience unscathed. Another person will walk away finding themselves fearful of dogs for years to come. Everyone’s system is unique and how you respond to a situation will determine the short-term and long-term impact.


There are numerous reasons why some people are able to brush off a distressing event while others find themselves unable to move forward but if you do find yourself in the latter place, don’t waste any more time pretending you’re okay or beating yourself up for not being okay. Being stuck in the past does not have to be a permanent way of life. Trauma-focused therapy can help you reclaim the life you want to live and not just the life you’ve settled for.

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